Addiction to Longing: A transformational dilemma

You would never guess the number of people who are more committed to longing than they are to actually having what they say they want. People are longing for their heart’s desire. Longing creates a sensation of aching, that there is something beyond their grasp that is not accessible. Most of us have experienced this state of being and the qualities of experiencing longing. And, there are many of us who are so use to living in this state they lose the ability to move beyond the longing and into manifesting that which they long for.

In transformational coaching, we encourage our client’s to experience this desire fully but then let it go iin order to move into what it feels like to actually have what they say they want. Move out of the experience of wanting and longing. Hmmmm. That sounds strange. Many of us aren’t even aware that we are focused on the longing and the wanting.

I want to build a home on Orcas Island. I’ve been wanting this for a number of years now. I can feel the senations of wanting a home and the desire to create such a home. I probably spend more time and energy experiencing that as opposed to experiencing the sensation of fulfilling the dream, the sense of relief that its here in form; I can experience the joy and beauty of the actualization of creating my sanctualry, a place of rest.

I’ve worked with many clients who are wanting a relationship with a special someone. And what gets revealed is that they feel safe in the wanting and enjoy the dreaming process of what might be. The actualization of their fantasies are frightening to them and so any individual who comes their way will some how fanish as qucily as they appeared.

As an effective coach, transformational or otherwise, we have to distinguish our clients’ wanting from their actualizing the desired results. We have to get clear with our clients whether they are more committed to the desired outcome or to the experiencing of wanting and longing.

Its a beautiful experience to want. Many of us have lost the ability to want something, anything. Clinical depression finds people in states of lack of desire and wanting. Therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, all are in the service of supporting clients and patients to move into a desire for health and well-being. To want health enough to create and sustain momentum towards that which they say they want. And, getting people to experience success of fulfilling their desires is crucial. Acknowledging every success along the way empowers the individual to experience for themselves their ability to make their dreams come true. The wanting is an important component and process to witness and reveal with our clients. And it’s invaluable for them to distinguish their attachment to the longing and wanting and how that may interefere with their actualizing their desire.

We want our clients to fulfill their wishes and desires, to actualize their life as they want it to be. We are blessed to be witnesses to the unfolding of every human being