What have I got to lose?

I’m practicing being generous. Sometimes I’m really good at it. By that I mean that it comes easily and effortlessly from my heart. I love how it feels when there is no miserliness or resentment about giving; no withholding of the resources that I presume are mine to share. I’d like to feel this way every day of my life.

Though I think of myself as this generous spirit, sometimes there is a huge part of me that is resistant to being giving and kind. There are days when I want to be out-and-out stingy. You see, this part of me thinks that I don’t have enough; enough money, enough time or enough energy to give away. This part of me believes I’ve got to hold onto everything I’ve got so as to protect me and my assets. In the past, I’ve been broke and on welfare. I worried about ever having enough. So this part of me wants to ensure that level of poverty never happens again. The only problem is that my attitude and behavior, my lack of generosity feels impoverished. I feel like I don’t have enough. That in itself is an impoverished spirit at play

 I’ve experienced the exquisiteness of experiencing generosity of spirit. The quality of that experience feels limitless in abundance, expansive in possibility. I feel the unbounded freedom that comes with being part of the magnificence of the Universe. Who wouldn’t want that every single day? However, my impoverished self sees the world through the eyes of the past and doesn’t have a faith-based reality which allows generosity to exist in this moment.

The impoverished spirit and the generous spirit both occupy my consciousness, both struggling for control. To tell you the truth, generosity feels so much better than the stinginess that comes from impoverished thinking, yet I’m often feeling trapped in this battle, squeezed between these opposing aspects of my self. What will be the salve for this ongoing dilemma between the me who sees herself as impoverished and the me who sees herself as generous in spirit?

Generosity of spirit exists in all of us. It is an essential aspect of our nature to be loving, kind and compassionate. Being around people who are generous in spirit feels so comforting, soothing, calming. When I’m around such people I’m more playful, creative, loving and more generous. I find it easy to be generous when I’m around generous people. They model for me what it’s like to be free from the encumbrances of fears. Hmmmmm. Is this what it takes; freeing myself from fear? Fear of what?

What creates obstacles to generosity? It’s my thoughts, beliefs, expectations and assumptions that create obstacles to generosity. When there is plenty of money in the bank, it’s easy for me to think about being generous, that’s because I have a powerful belief that says “I need to have enough before I can share with others.” That belief alone creates an obstacle to being generous. However, there’s another belief that’s even more powerful. I know this because even when I have enough money in the bank I still feel myself being stingy and come up with excuses for not being generous. There is a part of me that is locked into this other belief. Analyzing myself isn’t going to help in the moment when I’m wanting to be at choice about being generous or not. I have to remember in these moments that generosity of spirit isn’t about money. Generosity of spirit has to do with being generous with ME! ALL OF ME!

When do I feel most free to be generous with myself? When do I feel most resistant to being generous? These may be key questions that may guide me to freedom.

What if I just practiced acting as if I am free from those thoughts that stop me, and just act generous, even if it feels scary and uncomfortable? The question that gives me a little kick in the pants is “What have I got to lose?”

I know, with every fiber of my being, that generosity is part of my essential nature. Because I know this, I want to live this and not live as though there isn’t enough. I want to give myself the freedom to choose; the freedom to choose differently and the freedom to express myself through generosity. What have I got to lose in practicing being generous in spirit?

Generosity of spirit allows each of us the freedom to express the essence of our being. What have I got to lose in expressing loving kindness to anyone or even to myself? What will I lose if I share myself? Some of my answers aren’t pretty. One answer that arose: “Well, why should I be nice to her, she’s so arrogant around me.” Or, “Homeless people have made their own problems, why should I be kind to them?” Or, “I can’t save the world by donating money, so why try?” None of these responses answer the question “what have I got to lose?”. What I’ve got to lose is my interpretations and my attitudes about myself and the world. My beliefs and attitudes give me a sense of power and control. My withholding gives me a sense of power and control. I have an attitude and belief about the arrogant woman, the homeless person and saving the world. I want to keep being right about them and about me. “If I change those beliefs and attitudes, who will I be, what will I become?”

 My generosity gives me a kind of power, but a different kind of power. Whether I’m generous of spirit or live from an impoverished spirit I have freedom to choose. If it feels better to freely choose generosity, why not choose that?

“Perhaps by being generous people will take advantage of me. What about that?” There are people who will take advantage of generous people. Generosity of spirit includes generosity to our selves, so we don’t have to just give, give, give, if it doesn’t feel right inside of us. I’m finding it an interesting balance, but the key is to notice what beliefs and attitudes are making my choices for me and give myself permission to freely decide differently.

Empowering myself to shift my attitudes, my beliefs and my actions is one of the few freedoms I really have. Sometimes these beliefs are so engrained it can feel beyond hopeless, but it’s not. My willingness to see things differently opens up the possibility to experience things differently. I want the freedom to consciously choose my own thoughts. No one is stopping me from choosing my own thoughts except me. What have I got to lose?

As I creep along the path of self-empowerment, little by little I recover degrees of freedom denied to me in the past. Freedom is mine. As I recover what is mine there is no question about being generosity of spirit. I am already that.

Transformational Coaching provides individuals with a direct, lived experience of the reality that they themselves have created. We do this so as to empower clients to fully embrace the dilemmas and choices facing them. We do this in the support of

•         Cultivating awareness

•         Stepping into vulnerable, intimate, openness

•         Choosing to live in faith, trust, and the unknown because of the direct and lived experience of what is accessible, available and possible

•         Realizing that fear is always present and available to inform us of all our perceived limitations

•         Experiencing and embracing the magnificence of Being

•         Realizing the priority or hierarchy of our commitments and how they inform us of the values we have in place and the way we make meaning

•         So that in the fulfillment of all of this each individual finds their true self along the journey of manifesting what they say they want.

The “Essential Self” is the current condition of centuries (life times) of evolution of the individual Soul. Relative to a single life time it seems changeless, although over eons of time it does indeed shift. With regard to our current life time, the Essential Self is foundation and the source of our Authentic Being; it exists independent of human form.

It is improbable indeed that words and actions could ever fully express the Essential Self; it is however deeply, soulfully satisfying when our words and actions are in alignment with it.

The “True Self” is a momentary authentic expression of how it is to be human right now. Relative to our “Essential Self” the “True Self” changes rapidly and is therefore a “way of being” more than it is a stable “personality” or a psychological form; often just expressing our “true feelings” in the moment is enough to release them without further ado.

Authentic, unrestrained, unconditional, and unfiltered expression of our “True Self” in each and every moment is critical to the un-concealing of and alignment with our “Essential Self.”

Transformational coaching cultivates awareness of the Essential Self. There is a listening that reveals this Self in such a way that elevates its significance to beyond measure. When an individual begins to tap into their Essential Self, they will feel inspired to uncover more and more as the quality of experience that arises from authentic living feels so generative in nature. In the end the True Self will accept the Essential Self as home. The divisive construct of our culture will slowing evaporate allowing effortless expansion of our Oneness to transpire.

Transformational Coaching provides individuals with a direct, lived experience of the reality that they themselves have created. We do this so as to empower clients to fully embrace the dilemmas and choices facing them. This supports

•         Cultivating awareness

•         Stepping into vulnerable, intimate, openness

•         Choosing to live in faith, trust, and the unknown because of the direct and lived experience of what is accessible, available and possible

•         Realizing that fear is always present and available to inform us of all our perceived limitations

•         Experiencing and embracing the magnificence of Being

•         Realizing the priority or hierarchy of our commitments and how they inform us of the values we have in place and the way we make meaning

•         So that in the fulfillment of all of this each individual finds their true self along the journey of manifesting what they say they want.

You would never guess the number of people who are more committed to longing than they are to actually having what they say they want. People are longing for their heart’s desire. Longing creates a sensation of aching, that there is something beyond their grasp that is not accessible. Most of us have experienced this state of being and the qualities of experiencing longing. And, there are many of us who are so use to living in this state they lose the ability to move beyond the longing and into manifesting that which they long for.

In transformational coaching, we encourage our client’s to experience this desire fully but then let it go iin order to move into what it feels like to actually have what they say they want. Move out of the experience of wanting and longing. Hmmmm. That sounds strange. Many of us aren’t even aware that we are focused on the longing and the wanting.

I want to build a home on Orcas Island. I’ve been wanting this for a number of years now. I can feel the senations of wanting a home and the desire to create such a home. I probably spend more time and energy experiencing that as opposed to experiencing the sensation of fulfilling the dream, the sense of relief that its here in form; I can experience the joy and beauty of the actualization of creating my sanctualry, a place of rest.

I’ve worked with many clients who are wanting a relationship with a special someone. And what gets revealed is that they feel safe in the wanting and enjoy the dreaming process of what might be. The actualization of their fantasies are frightening to them and so any individual who comes their way will some how fanish as qucily as they appeared.

As an effective coach, transformational or otherwise, we have to distinguish our clients’ wanting from their actualizing the desired results. We have to get clear with our clients whether they are more committed to the desired outcome or to the experiencing of wanting and longing.

Its a beautiful experience to want. Many of us have lost the ability to want something, anything. Clinical depression finds people in states of lack of desire and wanting. Therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, all are in the service of supporting clients and patients to move into a desire for health and well-being. To want health enough to create and sustain momentum towards that which they say they want. And, getting people to experience success of fulfilling their desires is crucial. Acknowledging every success along the way empowers the individual to experience for themselves their ability to make their dreams come true. The wanting is an important component and process to witness and reveal with our clients. And it’s invaluable for them to distinguish their attachment to the longing and wanting and how that may interefere with their actualizing their desire.

We want our clients to fulfill their wishes and desires, to actualize their life as they want it to be. We are blessed to be witnesses to the unfolding of every human being

As a transformational coach, the degree to which I intentionally speak and listen is the degree to which I create the environment that supports deep presence and transformaiton for my client and as importanly for myself.

Writing, as part of creating my living, has given me a space for getting clearer and more intentional in my coaching. And writing specifically about transformational coaching allows an even more deliberate articulation of what it is that is present in the coaching session and how I want to be with what is present. As much as I want to be effective for my client I am wanting to bring more effectiveness and clarity of intention for myself. Through this intentional practice I experience a deeper pool of resources available to me. I also realize a more sensitive relationship with my clients. With clear intentions I swim more effortlessly among the myriad details of the client’s story and more often find key interpretations to their locked perspective revealing what’s holding them hostage, not at the domain of circumstances but in the domain of humanity where our deepest fears reside. Through the domain of humanity we have access to Universal Oneness through the porthole of imagination and visualization. My intention in this work is to bring my clients into right relationship with their true capacity to create what they say they want. By working in these domains, where few are willing to play, there is no end to the experience of expansiveness, not only from a cosmological and spiritual perspective but the manifestaton of a live worth living.

Seven years of training and practice. Seven years of developing discipline, which over time has eliminated enough procrastination to bring about this blog.

The intention of this space is to bring material related to transformational coaching that I feel is pertinent and valuable to those persuing mastery in this field. Recognizing and acknowledging the transformational nature of our being is essential. Exploring, revealing and investigating the territory of this transformational being is the practice. This teritorry is so much more expansive then the limited perspective that is presented to us through psychology, socialogy, religion, physiology and even “spiritual-ology.” It is an environment that supprts and nurtures un-creation of any thing that does not contribute to the sustainability of our internal universe. It allows for the creation of what has yet to be imagined. It is very fertile ground.

My practice is to contribute to this blog Monday mornings. It is a blessed ritual that allows me a forum for articulatiing what is wanting to emerge. Blessings.