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Aging into Shameless Perfection

There were three times in my young life when my parents wanted to disown me. The first time, I was 10 years old and requested that I be allowed to leave Sacred Heart Catholic School to attend the public school. Initially they were appalled by my desire. My mom and dad went to our parish priest, Father Hurley, who threatened to excommunicate me. But in the end, my parents reluctantly allowed me and the rest of my younger siblings to attend the public school – it saved my dad a lot of money! The second time my parents wanted to

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Aging – a Never Ending Adventure in Deconstructing the Illusion of Reality

I’ve been living inside the illusion that what I am more than anything else is a mother. My identity is so inextricably tied to this role that it is as if I am wearing a latex suit of Donna Reed – the mother of all mothers on TV in the 60’s. I don’t know who I am without my identity as a mom. Due to circumstance and choices I made in my 20’s, I became an absentee parent. My children were very young at the time and came to have a long life with me participating infrequently. Though they called

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Doing Absolutely Nothing – When Less is More

At the end of each coaching session, I ask my clients: "What’s the big take away from our time together?" My client Dan responded with: "Well, my big take away for this evening is that I’m paying you to help me do nothing." We both laughed until we had tears in our eyes. The truth will do that to you sometimes. *** Sharlene is taking watercolor lessons. She shares that she has tried watercolors before and didn’t find it satisfying. She didn’t get the results she wanted then, and so decided to try again. I asked her why she was

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Dreams – Worry or Wonder?

Anxiety is a response to life without control. It also is the response to dreams and imaginings within which we lack control. Worrying is a form of dreaming, isn’t it? When we dream negative scenarios, adrenaline courses through our bodies, and the corticosteroids swirl and twirl about, and what we experience is stress and anxiousness. Our what-ifs and yes, buts constantly keep us orienting our lives sourced in negativity, sourced in not-enough, sourced in lack. Mostly the source of lack is "me," as in, each of us believing we lack degrees of competence, value, and worth, which sums up to

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I Wonder What You See?

This morning I received a beautiful email from friend my Jeff Otis, whose home is also on Turtleback, a little bit higher than mine, with a view that is more open and expansive. In this email, Jeff writes: "Sometimes when I look out my office window, like right now, I wonder, ‘Can Rosie see the moon?’ Or, the other day when the golden afternoon light was painting Mt. Woolard, ‘Can Rosie see the beautiful light?’ I sometimes wonder what Rosie can see.” I was deeply moved by his wonderings, and by his sharing these wonderings with me. Rarely do we

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Letting Go of the Belief that there is a Guarantee

I recently read an article about His Holiness the Dalai Lama, written by Stephan Talty. Stephan describes the life of this man: how he was taken away from his family early in his childhood, how he had to study and meditate, and live a life that he did not choose for himself. His country, Tibet, was taken over by China and he was forced to go into exile. Now in his 80’s, he has been given many awards, including the Nobel Peace Prize. Stephan says about the Dalai Lama: “He thinks like a man that is guaranteed nothing.” Reading this

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All Work and No Play-Who Me?

I’m a helper kind of person. It makes me happy to assist others in ways that makes them happy.In my forties, I sailed on a 93-ft schooner for two years. To run such a vessel it takes collaboration and team work. I was really good at that. If there was something to be done and I could do it, well, I did it! I was happy to help and it was fun to work together for the betterment of all. However, I realize that I continually put aside my own projects and tasks in support of other people’s projects; the

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The Potentiality of No Buts

I woke up this morning by Gracie tapping her little furry paw on my chest. She’s ready for the day to begin – I’m not. I feel into the sense of lacking – my orientation in life is that I’m always lacking something – what is it this morning? (Can you imagine waking up next to this person who is always lacking and anticipating a day created from lack – not fun, right?) And this is what inspired this writing. Cool, eh? I’m graced with the ability to cultivate greater degrees of awareness regarding how I’m choosing what I choose.

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The Anguish and Agony of Unrelenting Resistance

I have a client, Max, who in this moment finds himself in a life that is unmanageable. Regardless of where he is – at work, at home, in his truck driving between home and work – he is facing what feels like cataclysmic consequences. It is like he is attempting to walk through a field of land mines: whatever step he takes, regardless of the direction, it will inevitably result in a Ka-Boom! . . . . It is the end of pre-season for football. The athletes who have put their careers on the line to be chosen as one

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Artist’s Block

Artists are courageous beings. They begin with a blank slate – a sheet of music, an empty canvas, a block of marble, a slab of clay, an empty stage. There is nothing but the desire to follow the impulse to express itself to itself. Humans, each and every one of us, are after all courageous beings – we are always and everywhere artists. We approach each day as if we know what will be created and experienced. The truth is we never know. We live into a pretending, and even in that we are creating a work of art. This

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The Everyday Gurus Among Us

John is a Guru – not that he would recognize himself as one. He is in his mid 80’s, retired, and lives with his wife Eleanor. When looking at John, you wouldn’t notice anything special about him, other than he is very tall, and when he smiles he lights up the room. He doesn’t talk the spiritual talk, nor would he consider himself to be walking a path of spirituality. Yet, I find that when I’m around John, I’m relaxed, peaceful, and I’m not inclined to do anything other than just sit in his presence. Hendrick is another Guru. There

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Aging – What’s the Point?

When I think about the millions of people who are in their 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s, I wonder what brings fulfillment to their lives. As they disengage from the external world, by choice or by circumstance, most will question reality, much like Scarlett, Martin and Thomas do. “When I was young,” started Scarlett, who is a beautiful, vivacious 80 year old, “everything mattered: What I looked like, what I wore, who I dated, where I lived, how many children I had, where they went to school. Everything mattered! I enjoyed waking up with a sense of purpose. Now I

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Victims of Life’s Circumstances – Or Not!

Francis, a beautiful, creative woman and long time Island resident, came to my work place the other day. “I’ve been reading your articles on aging and dying in Orcas Issues, and you know,” she said with a wee bit of disdain in her voice, “aging isn’t all fun and light – sometimes there’s anger and hate. I’ve been dealing with hearing loss for a long time. My memory is deteriorating and I’m afraid that I’m losing my mind. I’m living with a lot of pain. I’m alone more often than not, and I’m angry about all of this. Sometimes I

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Dying – The Final Big Adventure!

We die a thousand deaths within one lifetime. We experience ourselves in untold numbers of transitions. We face the unknown at every stage of life, and it appears as though most of us have survived. There is the deconstruction of our childhood as we immerse ourselves into puberty and adolescence; we leave behind adolescence when we choose careers, marriage, families – arenas of life where we grow our willingness to be accountable for our words and our actions. The death of innocence occurs over and over again, as reality shows us the ugly, the horrific, and all that has us

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The Well Worn Path of Anticipation

As a child, my focus of attention was quite often on the future. I anticipated the delight of holidays – Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the 4th of July, to name a few. I anxiously awaited the time when I was old enough to go to church, or begin school – being like the big kids in my family. I longed for my first crush, my first date, my first kiss, and my first, well, you know! I couldn’t wait until I could leave my parents home, go off to college, find a husband, get married and have children. Then with the

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Will I Like This When I’m Done?

I’m just coming back to the Island after participating in a Kuhn Sisters’ Week in Michigan. I had a lot of trepidation in setting out to attend this event – will I like this when I’m done? I head out anyway, thinking about it as an adventure, with no expectations. Just go! My four sisters and I love to create art and crafts. So, one part of our time together was Craft Day, when we would all sit around the table making something fun and beautiful. On a hot and humid Michigan day, it creates a time for more personal

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Game Changers – They Happen When Least Expected

Sam is a 73 year old retired fellow, living in a two bedroom apartment in Houston. He is a veteran from the Viet Nam era, had a decent enough life with a couple of kids, an ex-wife, and a girlfriend of 25 years. Sam has been happy in his routines – stopping in at his local bank where he has coffee with some cronies. He visits with neighbors and participates in his community, as he has done for many decades. A longtime client of mine, James, in his mid 40’s, lives in Denver. He has four children, a wife he

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Aging and Change

“Your Life is a Testimony to Change.” Rasha The more years I have under my belt the more I realize the degree to which life is more about change than it is about no-change. That change occurs in the realms of physical, mental, and emotional development; social and political structures; career and finances; relationships with family and community; and last but not least, relationships with ourselves and our spirituality. How could one possibly interpret life as stable with all of the shifts that occur in so many aspects of one’s reality?! In the past, I believed if I earned enough

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Aging – the Unfolding Perfection

Most of us on Orcas Island love our flowers. After our cold and wet rainy winters, the dreariness can do nothing but encourage hope for spring to come ASAP! When leaf and flower buds begin to emerge, our hearts well up with delight. We see the world as burgeoning perfection. All is good with the world. Intrinsic beauty exists as much in the anticipation within our ecstatic hearts as it does in the bud itself. I have a Dogwood tree that brings me such joy. Every moment of it’s life cycle evokes sensations of rapture within me. It is a

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Old Dogs Do Learn New Tricks!

My dog Gracie is almost eight years old – 56, in dog years. She has been chasing frisbees her whole life, but it was just last week that she actually caught one on the fly. I could see her mind working that day, working out the mechanics, figuring out the potential trajectory of my throw, and as she was running, she looked over her left shoulder and saw the frisbee coming. She leaped into the air and caught it! It was a glorious moment for Gracie, one she wanted to repeat, again and again! My friend Lorna, who is 72,

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If I Weren’t Me

A favorite part of my job as a Life Coach is that I get to witness human beings take tiny filaments of beliefs and turn them into huge knots of limitations. They, like most of us, aren’t able to hear themselves speak, nor see how their thoughts create the world around them. As their thinking partner, I hear what they themselves can’t hear, and I share with them what I’m hearing so they can make sense of the tangled knots of beliefs that lie within. After which they are at choice to choose differently. The other most favorite part of

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The Aging Dreamer – The Ageless Dreamer

“There are literally no limits to what you may now choose to experience within the context of this physical form…. One must now take total responsibility for the focused intent that underlies one’s choices.” Oneness, p.299 As I read these words of Oneness, I ask myself the questions: “What do people who are aging dream and imagine? What do I dream and imagine? Or, have I given up believing in dreams; that I’m too old to have my dreams come true?” Dreaming and imagining are essential components of our human psyche. At every age, through stories, music, imagination and play,

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Coming of Age “ Regardless of Age

One theme of Aging- Who Me? is that we are never not aging. We are never not developing, growing, unfolding, evolving. We are in fact in a constant state of emerging. As humans we are bombarded with choices, constantly. Some are big choices, some, not so big. For example, choosing the right college; choosing marriage or parenthood; choosing the “right career; choosing how to be with a partner or family member who’s harmful and abusive; choosing how to be with an incurable disease, choosing to come out of the closet in regard to their sexuality, their spirituality, or politics; choosing

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Nobody Does it Like Mother Nature

I’ve heard it said that death is the great equalizer. As true as this statement is, I see that aging too is the great equalizer. Stuff happens as we age, and no matter how much power, money, beauty, or sex-appeal you have, you can’t say no to what Mother Nature has to offer. One of the intentions of these articles, “Aging – Who Me?”is to cultivate not only awareness but also our innate intelligence in a way that sparks a curiosity about what it is like within these human packages. Another intention is to see that, regardless of your chronological

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It is Just Another Leg of the Journey

A young individual new to the world may come to perceive that there is only one long leg on the journey of life. As one proceeds, they will most likely come upon unexpected and unruly twists, turns, and roundabouts, which in the moment seem impossible to navigate. We just get comfortable with the trajectory we are on, when badda-bing-badda-boom, we find ourselves headed somewhere else. A very good friend of mine, Craig, is turning 50 in a month’s time. He is in shock and awe. He says he wasn’t supposed to live past 18, and quite frankly tried to off

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