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Dr. Rosie Kuhn on DaoCloud

Four Basic Questions for Sidestepping Writer’s Block

Written by Rosie on . Posted in Coaching

I’m surprised that people are requesting from me coaching around writer’s block. However, when I consider that over six years, I’ve written a couple of children’s stories, five books – with the sixth on the way, plus hundreds of blogs, I realize that I guess I know a bit about writing and something about sidestepping writer’s block.

Of course, as a coach, I have a few questions for you that I believe will assist in shifting from blocked to feeling the flow and going with it.

1.) Why Write?

Any creative endeavor wants to be respected as just that. If you are writing because you should or because you think that it will somehow contribute to any egoic pursuits, i.e. fame and fortune, well, sorry to say that this will most likely begin a longstanding relationship with writer’s block.

If, on the other hand, you experience a desire to write, a feeling of inspiration welling up inside that can’t be corked, then by all means, start to put on paper what is coming through. Understand that the springing forth of content will continue until it is complete, or until you interfere with preconceived assumptions and expectations of an anticipated outcome.

I write because I love to write and sometimes I can’t not write – a thought pops up that is so compelling, well, I have to stop doing what I’m doing and begin to write, like a dictation process; as if someone is speaking through me. I’m just the conduit and the transcriber.

When is an Act of Love Not an Act of Love

Written by Rosie on . Posted in Coaching, Spiritual Matters

 

When is an act of love not an act of love? Its when that act is attached to personal gain.

I love my friend Harry. In this moment, I want to stop him from doing something very foolish and could be life-threatening. Yet, what I’m experiencing isn’t founded on love. It’s found on a need to gain control and to experience self-righteousness regarding my assumption that Harry doesn’t know better than to choose what he’s about to choose, and that I know better than him. I question my motives in this moment and find myself wanting. The question is: What am I wanting?

Telling Harry to do it different would alleviate my frustration, which arises from, literally, being powerless and helpless in the face of his decisions. My choosing to choose to intervene is founded on a need to correct the experience within me. And, if that is so, how is this an expression of love? I’m discovering that what I am wanting is to gain an absence of discomfort – a restless, irritable discontent. This has nothing to do with love.

In this moment, I’m exploring the contents of this restless, irritable, discontent, and what I uncover is anger, grief and powerlessness. Though I could assume love, care and concern are part of this equation – I’m not feeling it, because truthfully, it is not here, in this moment. My calling Harry to act with more wisdom is really an opportunity to potentially control someone I can’t control, and allows me to avoid the experience of restless, irritable discontent, as well as powerlessness and helplessness.

The likelihood of Harry taking my advice, which he hasn’t asked for, is minimal. I will only be playing into a game I created, which I’ve attempted to win, yet in all my years, I’ve never, ever won. The game is that I share my wisdom, it gets rejected, I remain righteous and then get to say “I told you so,” when things go bad. If I make my “move,” Harry won’t take my advice, nor experience it as an act of love. I can maintain my sense of control and righteousness and all is right with the world. My game is like a drug of choice to avoid going to the source of my restless, irritable discontent, and nothing more.

All twelve-step programs are created to assist all of us who attempt to soothe that restless, irritable discontent with any number of salves – Alcohol, drugs, sex, love, food, worry, anger, self-abuse, TV, retail therapy, video games – yes, all of these are attempts to alleviate or change what is. The truth of this lies in the practice of not doing, or letting go of the need and desire to control want is not controllable.

The serenity prayer begins with “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” I will tell you, if you do no other practice than to mindfully be present to ways you don’t accept what you cannot change , well, this is intense work!

This work of cultivating awareness to how you think what you think, then choosing to think differently, only in service to what you say you want, does bring serenity. It also brings about an awareness of how love expresses itself through you. All you have to do is decide what it is you are truly wanting, then notice how your current circumstance is a direct reflection of all the ways you aren’t allowing your heart’s desire to be realized.

By noticing and cultivating awareness, you will undoubtedly come up again your restless, irritable discontent. Now what do you do? What you do is to empower yourself to powerfully surrender your will to your higher power – God, as you know him/it to be. This practice will inevitable bring you into a space of serenity, and allows you to plug in to a heartfelt sensation that becomes recognizable as love.

It’s a phenomenal practice to let go and let God (or, any higher power). However, without this practice we ongoingly live in a mish-mash of survival strategies that have us ignore, avoid and distract ourselves from our true, inherent wisdom, from which peace, serenity and love comes forth.

Who is being loved when you let go of control? It can feel like a cutting edge between love and control. Its takes discernment to realize when my enforcing control is an act of kindness and when its just me exerting righteousness.

This journey often feels as though there is an absence of love, or that you are acting in an unloving way. This is grown up processing. Loving, as an act of doing nothing, can feel irrational and counter intuitive. Utilizing the mature wisdom that is within you – when you are thinking like a grown up, is what’s required.

If I save Harry, he will not gain wisdom through the natural consequences of his own choice-making. And, I was shocked to hear in my head my response to the thought that he might die. I heard myself say “if he dies, I won’t be able to tell him I told you so!” It’s amazing the absurdity of our thinking mind. Obviously, anI told you so has nothing to do with love.

I’m pretty sure that there are many people who, like me, see themselves as loving, yet operate from a position of knowing what’s best for others, judging and assessing other’s actions, and finding that those judgments really are not sourced from love but from egoic desires to be right and in control.
I see my need to save Harry as a desire to resist feeling powerless over aspects of life that I cannot change or control.

To realize that I can’t control Harry’s behavior or save him from himself has me feel tremendous sadness, anger and powerlessness. I don’t like feeling this way, and like most of us, I will continue to try to not feel these feeling through ridiculous acts of control. The most loving act, though, is to feel my feelings, regardless of how uncomfortable it is to do so. This is an act of loving kindness and self-compassion. Through this practice, you, me, we are able to source love and allow it to flow in ways that my little mind cannot fathom, but my BIG MIND knows to be true!

It is not shameful or humiliating to admit being in your current circumstances that have you be powerless and helpless. This is just part of experiencing humanness. I’d be honored to support and empower you to walk this path with intention and clarity of purpose. Please contact me when you are ready! 360-376-4323.

Consider Engaging in an Act of Kindness

Written by Rosie on . Posted in Coaching, Spiritual Matters

 

Consider, for a moment, engaging in an act of kindness. I word this request in this particular way in order for you to get how huge an endeavor it is. It is not just a matter of doing. An act of kindness, or any act, for that matter, comes from a state of being. So, to consider, brings you into the moment where you begin to mindfully engage in cultivating awareness of the state of being, which allows an act kindness can unfold.

Where does an act of kindness begin? Maybe it would be helpful to begin by looking at where acts of revenge come from. Revenge is as intentional and kindness, don’t you think? You have to consider how you want to employ your energies in service to fulfilling revenge. We say we want to get revenge, or get even. What’s the quality of being that generates or inspires revenge? The thought might be something like “they got what I wanted; that was supposed to be mine; they hurt me, so I’m going to hurt them.”

These thoughts arise from a place within – a place that is experiencing some sort of violation. Most likely it arises from a felt-sense of a violation of trust. We feel it in our bodies. Trust is based on a belief or a perception that is so inherent in our being that we have come to see it as my right. When my right is violated, I want to correct the error through might. And, if I get my way, that revenge will feel sweet! Can you see how much consideration goes into being engaged in an act of revenge?

So back to engaging in an act of kindness: What is this foundation of an act of kindness? As, I’m writing, I’m considering the source of that act, and its challenging to experience it in my body, though I know that it is within my body that the source resides.

Practice Random Acts of Kindness, Senseless acts of Beauty is saying that has been around for a long time. I was profoundly moved by this statement from the first time a saw it. “Why,” I asked myself “do we need to post these kinds of phrases that remind us to practice kindness and beauty?” I then considered the degree to which I practiced random acts of kindness and beauty and realized that it wasn’t as often as I thought.

When I began to practice random acts of kindness and beauty, I realized the degree to which my “kindness” was attached to looking good in the eyes of any witness. Rarely were my acts purely an act of kindness, generosity or beauty. I saw my ulterior motives. This was humbling, to say the least.

I realized that I had a lot of pent up resentments. I could sense that resentment in my body and heard the words in my head “Well, why should I…; Why do I have to be the one?” Or, “Why is it always me.” This gave me pause to reflect and consider how I’m choosing to live my life, and perhaps I could consider choosing differently.

Like each and every one of us, I have plenty of reasons to withhold kindness, to be resentful, angry and vengeful, but, that isn’t actually in alignment with what I teach. There’s something that had to shift within me in order to allow kindness.

As part of a coaching training program, I was introduced to the concept of acknowledging people for the contributions they bring into the world – just by being. We were asked to acknowledge people – especially people we didn’t like. Acknowledging people is an act of kindness. And, as I considered who I would acknowledge, I experienced a visceral response, which attempted to convince me that I had a right to my position of righteousness, and the person I was supposed to acknowledge didn’t deserve to be acknowledged. I didn’t want to give them something for free.

This was such a powerful moment as I considered how self-righteous I am with my “Oh, so loving” demeanor. The fact was that I had been a pretty hate-full human being. Now what?

Sourcing my acts from a place void of hate, resentment and anger, required that I unconceal the essence of my humanness; the one I trust is real and foundational to my experience of connection and compassion. I considered what I’d lose through engaging in an act of kindness and realized that the only thing I’d be losing was my self-righteousness.

I also considered what I would gain through such an act. I realized that I’d gain the quality of engaged connection that I always wanted with others – not out of manipulation, not out of a need to be seen as good and loving, but out of an authentic expression of what is true, in this moment.

In considering engaging in random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty, I realized that, my acts impact me at a soul level, in that, when my words or actions are in alignment with my highest truth I experience fulfillment. Allowing engagement at this level allows for the fullest expression of my essential nature, and, at the same time, allows for the awareness of the same in another.

I know, without a doubt that acts of revenge and hate can sometime feel oh – so – GOOD! However, as always, considering the outcome of my acts of hatred or acts of kindness, I am at choice. And, sometimes it isn’t an easy choice! It’s a moment to consider.

I would be oh, so, honored to support you in empowering yourself to be the fullest expressions of kindness and beauty. This can be hard work, so sometimes hiring a thinking partner just makes sense! Contact me at rosie@dr-rosie.com.

Do What You Hate

Written by Rosie on . Posted in Coaching

 

I’ve been working on bookkeeping for taxes, cleaning up errors in my books, creating the content of my current coach training – in summary, attending to nit-picky stuff. I hate attending to anything where a high degree of attention to detail is required. I’d rather hire someone else to do it for me – pay them thousands of dollars so that I can avoid the angst and vulnerability that arise through doing what’s required as a solo-preneur.

When working with clients and students, I love attending to details; otherwise I HATE IT!

There are a lot of things I hate doing, but given my current circumstances, its come down to me doing what needs to get done, whether I like it or not. And, its curious to me that I can actually allow myself to experience fulfillment just by doing what needs to be done. This is after decades of avoiding, resisting and procrastination.

The initial intention of doing what I hate was to save money. Of course, interesting insights revealed themselves. In doing what I hate to do I’ve had to get over myself and be accountable and responsible for everything I’ve created and continue to create in my life. The outcome of this practice is that I have to question the intrinsic value in taking a stand that has me hate anything.

For instance, I hate cleaning paint brushes, because if the job isn’t done well, the brushes get stiff and unusable, and I end up having to throw them out. I’d rather just throw them away or have someone else clean them. My whining voice says “There’s too much possibility of failure here. Let’s just do something else.” On one occasion, when I offered to help a friend paint her kitchen, she asked me to clean the brushes. I couldn’t say no after offering to help. So I put aside my whining self, I put aside my normal – lack of attention to detail, and did the best damn job I could with cleaning those brushes. I considered how other people love to clean paint brushes and I witnessed how my whining didn’t allow me to do the job that needed to be done – and allow for the possibility that I could actually enjoy it. It was a stretch, but I actually allowed myself enjoyment!

I whine in the same fashion when doing my own bookkeeping and attending to the minutiae of being the production manager of my book publishing process. Attending to details as an exercise has allowed me to drop my incessant critical and negative thinking process, which includes whining and wishing I could pay someone else to do this, worrying about the errors I’m making, and avoid the vulnerability I feel as I ongoingly face another round of edits and changes.

I realize more and more often that angst and anxiety arise from my fear of being vulnerable. Then, just the other day, while reading David Hawkins’ book Transcending the Levels of Consciousness, that vulnerability persists as long as there is an attachment to gain, pride, vanity, control, and more. Well, that certainly made a clear case for the fear of vulnerability being so relentlessly present. I have a lot to lose by messing up! I’m safer limit myself to doing those things I’m good at.

What You Resists Persists
I think there is an intrinsic value in completing a task, and as I face the next round of revisions, I remember one of the most important intrinsic value, for me, of doing anything, is the learning that comes just by doing it. Shifting my attitudes allows me to be present to what is, and to handle what is without judgments. Just do it, because it needs to be done.

As I exercise muscles which limits negative thoughts and just do it, my relentless resistance dissipates. And, I’m handling those details with more delight in their completion. Honoring my commitment to learning and completing what I promised myself I’d do brings a deep sense of dignity and honoring of my whole being.

Doing what I hate – as a practice, exercises brain muscle and cultivates awareness of what I resist while uncovering the source of that resistance. Training my mind to witness and observe those emotional and physical sensations that stop me from trying something new or challenging, allows me to STOP, LISTEN to the thoughts chattering away that make me feel anxious and vulnerable, and LOOK to see if there are specific interpretations in place that I can choose to relinquish, in support of making my highest and best contribution to my own life and to the world.

Because I’m experiencing less anxiousness and vulnerability and am hearing far less negative self-criticism, the REWARDS of this practice, I’ve discovered over time, is that I have greater access to my creative potential. Frankly, I have nothing to lose.

The experience derived from doing what I hate has had me on a steep learning curve. Yet, more and more often, when I have to do something I hate I can more quickly assess what I’m up against, regarding perceptions and beliefs I’ve interpreted as bad, yucky or dangerous, and perhaps choose to see another way to look at it all. I have free access to a larger bandwidth of choices. And, what used to be HATEFUL is now kind of fun! (And, just as an aside, I am much more creative! Go figure!)

Whether you hate facing what’s needed to grow your coaching practice, or that you are facing mounds of unaccomplished tasks that seem overwhelming, I’d love to support you in cultivating a practice that will turn what you hate into a fulfilling and meaningful practice that will cause delight and freedom to abound in your world! Call me: 360-376-4323.

Immersion Before Emergence

Written by Rosie on . Posted in Coaching, Spiritual Matters

 

As a teacher, facilitator and coach, I encourage my students to immerse themselves in a self-study program that allows them to fully realize who they are – that their security, stability and function in the world has nothing to do with what they believe to be true – only what they know to be true. The only way to know who you are is to dismantle your current belief system, to individuate and to differentiate yourself from everything you think yourself to be, do and have. You have to experience the truth to realize the truth. And, you have to experience it personally before you can live it, teach it or coach others to experience it.

As daunting as this sounds, to immerse yourself in a self-study program in spirituality, there is a way to see this that perhaps could have it seem more engaging than overwhelming. I was thinking the other day about language immersion courses, where if you want to learn a language – let’s say Chinese, you go to China and expose yourself to the language, the people and the culture. By doing so you free yourself from referring incessantly to the limited perceptions that tether you to what you believe about language, based on what you learned speaking English. You have to give up the rules used for the one language and come to engage the rules of this foreign language. You don’t have to, but sometimes it’s a lot easier by doing so.

My experience with cultivating fluency in spirituality, or in spiritual practices is that we tend to attempt to transfer the logical and rational, or the rules, from the reality we live in to a reality that doesn’t play by those rules. We absolutely know that we can’t learn Chinese using any part of English language to do so. It is nontransferable. You have to leave outside the door everything you learned about English in order to begin to even see the possibility of making sense of the symbols and the sounds that make up meaning for those speaking Chinese. Initially, its crazy making; however, it doesn’t take much time at all, if you immerse yourself fully in the pratice or the culture to understand the meaning within the symbols and the verbalizations.

Those who immerse themselves in the self-study of who they are realize that the world we live in does not translate into a world that is eternal, formless, limitless and immersed in love. What the heck do we do with the rules regarding security, fear, vulnerability, gain, lack, mine, yours, attack, …?

Our non-spiritual reality – the one we call “our lives,” is void of presence to those aspects of self that you came into human form to experience. We cultivated a language of thought and beliefs within our heads to help us interpret the languaging, the behavior and the reality around us. We developed a persona, a personality with which to interact with the culture and circumstances we are immersed in. We’ve forgotten that we are actually human beings, or for that matter spiritual beings having a human experience. I’ve come to believe that what I think is right, good and true are merely perceptions, and most of them are inaccurate.

Learning to dismantle the culturalized me, in service to allowing the eternal me to be known and expressed is much like giving up the beliefs that the rules that apply to speaking English apply to every other language on the planet. And, I have to be committed enough, to learn Chinese, that I’m willing to let go of everything I ever learned about speaking English. I have found the same to be true for cultivating awareness of the me that lives outside the culturally based reality. The world beyond what I believe to be real plays by different rules.

Some people go off to India to find themselves. Actually, the funny thing is, is that wherever you go – there you are! If you want to immerse yourself in the self-study of you, all you need to do is begin to want to know you, here, now, in this moment. Its FREE!!!

Case in Point
My client Darren, continually experiences his life as not meeting his expectations. He believes that he his living a spiritual life, so he should be receiving the rewards. I began to explore with Darren what and who he believes himself to be, living as a spiritual person, living a spiritual life. I asked: “Darren, let’s say that before you came into this human form, you had an intention for what you wanted to bring into this life. What was it that you wanted to be or bring into this lifetime?” Darren’s response was “Love.” I asked him to put this into a full sentence, and he said “I came to be an expression of love.” I then asked – “To what degree, Darren, are you living your life as an expression of Love.” He answered 50%. I asked why not 100%, if this is what you came to be.

Darren, was quiet for a few moments, then began to share the angst, worry and fear that made up a lot of his life. He had a lot of fear about basic survival needs, his ability to make a living, and that perhaps no one wanted what he had to offer. Though, Darren understood and espoused spiritual principles such as: “I am love” and, “the Universe always provides abundance for me,” he actually wasn’t living as if these were true. He was actually living from “I can’t have what I want; I’m frustrated, disappointed and angered; and why bother trying if no one wants what I want to offer.”

The bottom line was that Darren actually wasn’t trusting the Universe to provide for him. So, he continually thwarted intuitions and internal guidance, which made him nervous and took him out of his comfort zone. He minimized his vulnerability and in that minimized being an expression of love. Interesting how that happens.

Immersing ourselves in the process of self-study requires intention, commitment and discipline only enough to fully engage in what we know to be true. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing; just enough to stay the course, realizing that we are already that which we seek to become. Only by presencing ourselves to ourselves are we able to cultivate the language and culture of that BEING, which allows for easy, effortless expression.

Take the time now to contact me for more information about my Transformational Coaching Training, personal coaching or organizational/leadership development. I’m here to support you in strengthening your intention to live what you know to be true. 360-376-4323

Generating Momentum – The Art of Tending Fire

Written by Rosie on . Posted in Coaching, Humaness

woodfireWithout a doubt, what we want most for ourselves as coaches and for those we serve, is that we generate momentum towards manifesting our highest purpose and desire.

Clients of mine, whose desire it is to have a thriving business, find it challenging to get out of their own way. Many of them are budding coaches who are passionate about their work, yet carry lifetimes of patterning that continually reminds them of how failure met them at every turn. Repeatedly, dreams of achievements are dashed, and they are left to their own undoing. Inevitably, the patterns of lifetimes ending in death leave us to remember our inadequacies to succeed in the face of death.

Exploring current circumstances, clients’ themes, and how they are tethered to lifelong patterns, make easy work of mining the root source of those beliefs, which generated the manifestation of resistance, withdrawal and playing small. It’s a wonderful game of seeking that which has been present and effective yet out of site and overlooked literally for lifetimes.

Last night, while awake, it dawned on me that I have a session with my client Rusty today, and that I’ll need to put on my running shoes for this session. This image made me smile. Working with Rusty has been a gentle and slow building of an inner momentum within her being. Like all clients, I’ve found thus far, regardless of their station in life and their achievements, she/they are all tender and vulnerable beings. Requesting coaching is out of their comfort zones, especially for Americans who are taught to be independent and that needing others proves them to be weak. It takes time to cultivate trust – within the client, of their own capacity to self-empower, and to also trust that their coach will not make them explore and face the depths of failures and weaknesses. Engaging someone like Rusty into a self-study process that explores the source of her current belief system, which manifest her current conditions and has held her hostage for lifetimes – well, it’s an art form, similar to tending fire.

A fire tenders’ job is to bring life to the being called fire, nurturing it to its brightest and fullest expression. This is what we do with our clients. And, this is what clients do with us coaches, too.

Putting a flame to tender twigs and leaves starts it all off. Shall we use a blowtorch or match? The right amount of presence and mindfulness to what is will make the process effortless from the start. Also, creating enough space so that air can fuel the flame and engage the energy within the leaves and twigs is essential. Loading up the session with more than my client can manage exhausts them, and they leave with no energy to remember how they were enlivened for too brief a time. Gentle blowing to engage – too much will put the flame out.

Throughout our work together, Rusty has cultivated an ability to sort through leaves, twigs and branches for deadwood. Deadwood has no fuel left for any internal fire to burn brightly. As Rusty chooses with more care those thoughts and beliefs that contribute to her fire, her flame kindles a spark within, which has been there all along; though smothered almost to extinction by patterns of beliefs, which continually reminded her that she had no right to shine at all.

Clients like Rusty, who return after years away from coaching, make my days happy! Because of our ongoing relationship, as she grows and generates momentum to self-empower herself toward greater degrees of fulfillment, well, it means I have to meet her – with my running shoes on; keeping pace with her own self-generated drive. Over time, Rusty and others bring to our session that which fuels our fire for excellence. Together we continually tend a fire that burns away old debris, allowing only the purest of flames of our essential nature to be ablaze!

There is no distinction between Fire Tender and Fire. There is no distinction between Coach and Client.

In the moment, both are on the edge of their seat – on the edge of their comfort zone. Simultaneously, each is expanding their bandwidth of awareness, cultivating unknown territory into the life-giving ground of being that inevitably becomes the foundation and framework of the momentum that is built through building.

I do my best work as a coach when the territory my client is inviting me into, is unknown, even desolate. This is their journey, yet they’ve asked me to be their guide, their thinking partner.

As coach and client, what is required to venture forth in this manner?
Curiosity and fascination; Courage; Faith, Patience, Trust and Knowing that all that we encounter is part and parcel of humanness. The art of tending fire requires the belief that we are here to experience that which presents itself in this moment. We are one with the fire of life. We are presence, synergy, balance, harmony, mindfulness and LIGHT.

Transformational Coaching, The Essential Self and the True Self

Written by Rosie on . Posted in Coaching

The “Essential Self” is the current condition of centuries (life times) of evolution of the individual Soul. Authentic, unrestrained, unconditional, and unfiltered expression of our this true self in each and every moment is critical to the un-concealing of and alignment with our “Essential Self.”

Transformational coaching not only cultivates awareness of the Essential Self it also has a listening that reveals this Self in a way that elevates its significance to primary. When an individual begins to tap into their Essential Self, they are inspired to uncover more and more as the quality of experience that arises from authentic living feels generative and profoundly empowering by nature. In the end the True Self will accept the Essential Self as home. The divisive constructs of our culture slowly evaporate allowing effortless expansion and actualization of our Oneness to continue.

Training to be a transformational coach is an intensive in cultivating intelligence through self-study, deep listening and the practice of curiosity. Every aspect of of Life – including Business, Health, Spirituality and Relationship is responsive to the foundational practices found within a transformational coach.

Currently, individual training is facilitated by Dr. Rosie Kuhn. If you have an interest in talking with Rosie about the process of becoming a transformational coach, contact her at rosie@dr-rosie.com

For more information on what is a transformational coach go to: What-is-Coaching

My Clients

Written by Rosie on . Posted in Coaching

My clients are extraordinary people. Each invested in expanding their breadth of wisdom in service to bringing the fullest expression of their essential self to…

Be the Invitation

Written by Rosie on . Posted in Coaching

We are all about the paradigm shifts. And in this new paradigm, we no longer think in terms of competition, marketing strategies and selling yourself. These terms are fast becoming bankrupt concepts that in the past had you think of yourself and your services as a commodity. We are beginning to realize that being a success with your business or practice is more about building relationships than it is about selling or marketing.

As an individual in the process of developing yourself and your skill set, consider being an invitation – inviting people into your life in such a way that they will want to get to know you and the work you are doing.