Need I be Different?
It’s a magnificent, sunny and warm day on the Island today. Daffodils are blooming as a result of my first attempt at planting them in the cold wetness of November. I had no idea that so many would bloom and hadn’t imagined the intense beauty that blossoms in each one.
After sharing some time on Skype with my daughter Elissa, grandson Andrew, son-in-law Jason and my sister Patrice, who is visiting them in Scotland, I consider what I may be missing. I think about what kind of mother I am and the choices I make that have me here on Orcas and not in Scotland, being a Grannie-on-the-spot. I wonder if I need be different.
Over years, I’ve come to share myself in a transparent way, sharing aspects of my humanness that make people ask “Why would you share that? Aren’t you afraid people will judge you?” These questions make me wonder if I need be different.
I bought a new desktop computer, the new software for Office 2013. I spent 10 whole dollars on new fish for my aquarium and for my outdoor ponds. As a solo-preneur, I rely solely on myself to make things work. Financially, I often feel over committed and resourced to the max. Need I be different?
I miss my children. I miss the lifestyle of the rich and famous. I miss the social connections I’d have if I lived in a more populated area, and where my work might take me – perhaps to more stimulating environments. I miss vacations to warm, tropical and exotic places. I miss eating sushi, Mediterranean foods, and having access to all sorts of cultural foods and objects d’art. Need I be different?
My spiritual path has me make choices based on my highest truth and my highest good. I listen for inspiration and move in the direction of least resistance. This often requires me to reject the consensus reality that I’ve been immersed in for lifetimes. I am wary when I feel pulled in the direction of choices based on fear. Witnessing my lifestyle, others wonder and ask if I need be different.
Choosing to choose is what we are doing all the time – quite often without being conscious to this process. Being true to one’s self is extremely challenging, sometimes. All the ways I’ve shared above are questions between playing on Spirit’s Team or for the team Consensus Reality. I sometimes disappoint others by choosing what I choose. I sometimes disappoint myself too. However, in choosing what I choose I have to be with consequences of my choices. I choose to honor all the aspects of me that are part of these conversation. When the questions revolve around “What will people think of me?” I consider that what’s more important is what I think of me.
As humans, we continuously face a barrage of thoughts that suggest that who we are in this moment, and what we are doing now, may not be what we should be doing. We always have options to choose differently, to be different, and to do things differently. How do we decide if we need be different?
The ongoing dialog between our need and desire for security and stability and the desire to live and thrive within our own knowing presses us incessantly to consider the risks and consequences of our choice-making. We worry and angst about what is true, what is mine to do, what if I’m not doing it right, and why, if I’m following my highest knowing, do I still feel doubt and sometimes unsafe. Need I be different?
It’s scary and challenging to choose. And, I will need to be different – only in service to what I say I want. This does create a paradigm shift, indeed. This does require a leap of faith, indeed. This does require the discipline to practice thinking and acting according to one’s truth, not one’s fears – unless one is committed to maintaining the belief in the fear-based reality.
The unfolding of our human lives allows us to witness and observe a lot of truths. Only by discerning your own personal truth and practice walking that truth will you find how you need be different.
Justifying my existence through other people’s assessments of me has been a serious endeavor. From the outside, it may not look as if that’s what I’m doing. Yet on the inside, I’m constantly looking at my options through the lenses of how I measure up to others. This is a hard habit to break, but one that inevitably brings me to the clarity of how I need be different.
“When you act in your own highest truth, you are acting in everyone’s highest truth.” Roger Walsh
I want it all, and yet, the fact is, in this moment anyway, I have to create a hierarchy of desires and commitments. I have to let go of my attachments to what I don’t have, to whom I am not, where I am not, and who I’m not with. Wishing and hoping often keeps me swirling in dissatisfaction with what I have and who I am.
My highest commitment is serving my highest wisdom. Everything else comes next. Yes, there is sadness and anger, and also self-hatred, as I sit in the powerlessness that comes in recognizing that I can’t do it all, or have it all, or be all of it in this lifetime. Then comes compassion and forgiveness as I accept what I cannot change. Eventually, I’ll arrive, once again, in serenity. The practice is becoming more familiar – not necessarily easier.
Engaging in the journey towards Truth rarely happens on a path of rose petals. It’s hard work. And, my desire to have it be different, doesn’t mean that I’ll need to be different. It just means that I’m needing to be. There’s no need to be different.
By bringing a thinking partner into your life you may discover ways to empower yourself that you’ve never known were present in you. I’d be honored to support you in this process. Contact me at 360-376-4323, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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