Friday’s Feast on Facebook
This is What Happens When You Get Successful!
Recently I started getting an influx of emails from Mailchimp indicating that people were subscribing to my newsletters. This is a good thing, right?
I noticed, however, that there was something not quite right: in the section of the form where there should be the first and last name, there was a series of letters – not words. I began to panic. I must have gotten hacked – though it makes no sense why this could be of value to someone else!
“This is What Happens When You Get Successful!” I muttered to myself.
“Anything that can go wrong being successful will go wrong.” More panic sets in.
It’s no wonder why I have played small for so long. I always anticipate bad things happening with success. So, I connected with Mailchimp, and they said first of all there had only been 27 new subscribers in the last 30 days – nothing quite out of the ordinary. That there were letters and not names – now that could be suspicious. Not to worry, they said, easy fix: use reCaptcha or some other process that eliminates robot inputs.
Within seconds I clicked the button that turned on ReCaptcha and my panic subsided – and I did it all by myself!!
I can’t tell you the number of possible things I think about that increase my stress level and lowers my momentum to get things done.
That I panic with the idea of success, and in this case success means more visibility, it doesn’t mean I have any disorder. It means that either in this lifetime or perhaps in a past lifetime, I had an experiences where something really bad happened. And so I decided I never wanted that to happen again. Makes sense – right? It’s a trauma response. I can let my trauma get the best of me, or I can sleuth my way through my emotions and thoughts until I discover the culprit. Most of this I do with myself, however sometimes having a thinking partner for this process is really a valuable resources. I highly recommend it.
Most important for me is to not turn tail and run away from what I’m afraid of – calamities, chaos, out of control-ness (powerless, helpless, hopeless). What’s most important for me is to continue to witness when, where, and how I actively avoid stepping forward with my work – like doing these Friday Feasts. I’m not comfortable doing these – because it’s new and I don’t know if I’m doing it right or doing it wrong. In the end that doesn’t matter so much as just doing it – no matter what.
So many of my clients face this same dilemma – symptoms arise, fear arises, and it’s so easy to get distracted with the symptoms.
Bottom line – for me – these types of symptoms are an indication that I am moving in the directions of expanding my comfort zone. If the symptoms are too intense I get support and I slow down. If you are like me, hiring a coach can be a real asset to your growth in whatever arena you are playing in. Whatever you want, whatever you are ready for – you know when you are ready and when you aren’t! Trust that and honor that you’ll know when it’s time. Until then relax and enjoy who you are, where you are.
Writing also is a really great way for me to empower myself to be with what’s occurring. Sharing my writings with you in the form of blogs and books nudges my comfort zone that much more as I’m exposing myself. This feels vulnerable and scary. Then I’m left to decide whether it’s worth it to move in this direction or to back away. There’s no right answer.
Getting back to procrastination: Each of us have our own practices of procrastination. It’s a practice which serves you in remaining safe, stable, and secure in what you know. There’s nothing wrong with you or with this particular practice. Just be curious about what you are wanting enough that maybe nudging yourself a little could be an interesting experiment. Nothing more.
Experimenting is What it’s All About
For example: These Friday’s Feasts are an experiment for me. An experiment – in the scientific and research world, is just a method of trials, and the evidence that arises through the trials. There’s no good, bad, right or wrong. Just information. On these Fridays, I put myself out here – with intention of sharing information about being a writer, painter, coach, podcaster-human-being. Whatever emotional response I experience inside me informs me where fears and traumas may be lurking. I then be with those fears and trauma to support healing the source of those fears and traumas. Then I do it again, over and over and over again!
I’ve been experimenting this practice with my writing, my coaching, my painting, my podcasts, and my life for decades. I never know the outcome of any one of these endeavors, other than I’m more content and I find each moment of writing, coaching, or just being me infinitely more pleasing than I ever imagined. Isn’t that what we all want? A life that is infinitely pleasing!